Taking Care of You
The freedom of self-nurturing brings feelings of bliss and joy similar to those experienced in childhood. The fallacy of self-nurturing is that women can easily reverse the cultural legacy of having to be all things to all people. At what point did women forget how to ask others to help meet their own needs? When did we lose the idea that we are entitled to happiness for its own sake? At what point did we start feeling guilty about taking time for ourselves to pursue our own dreams? How old were we when we came to believe our purpose is to serve the needs of others before our own?
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Identify and perform everyday acts of kindness on yourself. |  |
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Caring for You
Self-nurture is a powerful and empowering act of showing love to yourself, not to be confused with narcissism. Self-nurturing is not shopping for new shoes or buying an expensive work of art or getting attention and comfort from our spouses or friends. Self-nurturing is not being so selfless that you give to others—and forget to give to yourself. In fact, giving of yourself when it’s motivated by guilt or obligation ultimately prevents you from giving well.
Self-esteem Through Self-nurture
Self-nurturing begins with identifying your own needs and becoming passionate about finding ways to meet those needs. Once you become a self-nurtured, genuine, and spiritual being who is grounded in self-esteem and openheartedness, you’ll experience:
- The power of knowing yourself and your life’s purpose
- Life-affirming and health-enhancing benefits that confidence and renewed strength bring to your body, mind, and soul
- Restored meaning to simple things you sometimes view as meaningless
Living Life Well
Learning to have a self-nurturing nature will ultimately help you live life in full color.
Diane Keaton once explained the most important thing she could pass on to her daughter: “It would be great if she had a huge, huge, huge appetite for life. I really wish that for her. I hope she embraces it enormously—every aspect of it. Headstrong. I hope that she is brave and curious and excited and interested because that will pull her through.”
Many of us need to regain a presence in our own lives; we need to regenerate our energy, our passion, and our souls. Keaton summed it up in a few words: Grow a huge appetite for life.
Steps to Rejuvenate Our Energy, Our Lives
Techniques and tactics for becoming self-nurturing range from mindfulness and meditation to resting and restructured thinking. Small first steps might be to indulge yourself in new ways and then embrace those well-earned indulgences. Take a bubble bath and leave the dishes until tomorrow. Take a nap in the middle of the afternoon. Identify and perform everyday acts of kindness on yourself. Eventually you’ll begin a deeper process of evaluating and questioning your own goals, past hurts, current and future needs, and ways to increase your joy. Self-exploration is a vital part of self-nurturing.
Self-exploration: Listen and Be Still
The mantra “be still and listen” was useful as I began the long exploration of my own guilt about self-nurturing. This single phrase helped focus my attention and helped me to start asking the kinds of questions that would define my needs. Self-exploration is a process you go through alone. The timeline is as long as it takes. One necessary companion is a journal for recording your thoughts. The place is anywhere you can escape for minutes, hours, days, or longer. The task is to explore what gives you joy from the inside out.
Give yourself the freedom to explore and do it bravely, without guilt, by testing all that defines who you are and embracing all that you find. Experience the freedom of nurturing yourself and dispel the fallacies of self-nurture.
By Carlo DeCarlo, Nov 16, 2008
I believe that people are born with an innate ability to self-nurture. I also think that the reason that some do not practice this "fight or flight" response to stress is that while growing up they may be instilled through guidance to be overly selfless, to always put others first even at the expense of their own health. In extreme cases, this may be heroic, but on an everyday level, this behavior can deteriorate your quality of life and make you too ill to care for loved ones. What are your thoughts on this? What do you do to self-nurture?
By Sakinah, May 26, 2009
Awesome. More people need to learn to nurture themselves, and this article gives excellent tips on doing so. I remember I once heard a talk by Louise Hay, and someone asked her how we can learn to love ourselves. She said the #1 thing we can do is stop criticizing ourselves. A simple task, but definitely not easy...I'm still working on it!
By Zena M, Jul 28, 2009
Thanks for the reminder, to slow down and smell the roses. I treasure the opportunity to soak in the tub with candles, soft music and a glass of wine, by myself enjoying the moment. I enjoy journaling about my experiences, it helps to release frustrations and record the good times for future enjoyment.
~Zena~
By Sharon B, Aug 05, 2009
This is such a wonderful reminder to us all to slow down so we can savor and celebrate present moments.
The pace and demands of life in this 21st Century sometimes makes that difficult to do, but your article provides a needed and gentle reminder that it is possible to do. Thanks for nurturing through your writing...
By Amy L, Oct 25, 2009
Another one I save to fave. To keep reminding myself. I want to print this one out.
By Renee J, Jan 30, 2010
I have just begun this process anew. After 4 years of marriage and a 2 year old and 3 year old, I have found myself resentful and tense a lot. I have forgotten to take enough time for myself to keep my energy renewing itself and I burnt myself out. I hope everyone takes time to indulge themselves regularly. It doesn't take too long to get in the habit and all of your relationships will have a new sense of well-being too!